English is America speak moola

An old friend of mine commented recently that it was rather difficult to get any serious writing done here, surrounded by "moola". Safe to assume he was referring more to his gig as a hagwon teacher than to the Koreans in general, but the point was not lost.

The word pronounced "moola" is the most informal and personal way of saying "I don't know" in the Korean language. Most teachers of English to children in Korea learn this word right away. In fact, my first few days on the job it seemed like the "moola's" were coming at me in a giant wall of sound. Nobody could understand what the hell I was saying - not that it mattered of course, me not having the slightest clue what I was supposed to be doing anyways.

It didn't take me long to figure out that this was the appropriate Korean word to use when you have no idea what someone is talking about. And for a few days it worked pretty well. Koreans were coming at me from all angles, saying god knows what, and a quick "moola" or two always seemed to keep them at bay.

Ah but the catch. One of the reasons that Korean is such a difficult language for Westerners to learn is the system of built-in speech levels. Depending on whom you are speaking to the same word can be said in a few different ways. So basically I was running around Seoul for a few weeks addressing any Koreans that attempted to talk to me as if they were dogs. The flip side being that I soon realized my students were not exactly placing me on quite the pillar of respect I was told they would.

The months passed and the moola's kept coming, unrelenting in their assault.

Me: OK Rocky, a mere 24 hours ago you had this buddy. You KNEW the answer to this question. We went over and over it yesterday, now show me what you can do. From the top then....
Do you have any BR-OTHERS or SIS-TERS?

Rocky: Moola.

And so it went.

One the best quotes I've come across while working in a hagwon belongs to a very agitated little boy called Danny. Full of giggles and interested in anything but English I appreciated immediately the fact he refused to take me, or the fact I was masquerading as a teacher, seriously.

One day after I'd hauled him into his desk and began pounding said desk to get his attention he twirled around and said to me in a very exasperated manner, "English is America speak moola!"

I still think about that quote a fair bit. I thought about it when I heard a disturbing rumour that most commercial pilots at Korean Airlines who are licensed to fly international flights do not speak English that well.

Picture a 45-year-old Danny cruising at 15,000 feet over the Pacific Ocean, preparing for his landing at LA International. All of a sudden an irritated dispatcher squawks over the radio, "This is Los Angeles International Airport. Korean Air flight 232 you are NOT authorized for landing at this time. I repeat you are NOT authorized for landing at this time. Do you copy?"

"English is America speak Moola!" cries Danny as he proceeds to land his plane on a runway at the same time as a 747 from Chicago.

I never thought a six-year-old boy could so accurately capture a two-year period of my life. And not only that, but so perfectly summarize the farcical situation going on in private language academies all over this country. Yet here we are in 2004 and as I'm nearing the end of what seems like a very long road I must conclude with Danny's sentiments of that fateful day. English really is America speak moola.